Connection Restored

Emotions are a powerful force.

They are always present no matter how disconnected from them we may have become.

When we were young we had no ‘brain’. Logical reasoning hadn’t had a chance to develop much yet.

We had only our instincts and emotional impulses to drive us and we had no inhibition and no choice other than to trust them as guiding forces, along with our caretakers.

We were more in tune with our bodies and emotions and more truthful with ourselves and others. When a small child is angry it doesn’t push the feeling down and pretend it isn’t so by saying ‘no, really i’m fine’ and concealing a scowl with a fake smile suppressing its impulse to breath heavily and stomp its feet.

Head-heart-body are more in alignment.

As very small children we were very genuine and trusting, allowing others to see what we were thinking, feeling and experiencing.

We experienced emotions loudly, dramatically, purely and completely. One emotion at a time. Anger. Sadness. Joy.

Fast forward to today… our adult brain is so well developed and conditioned by our specific experiences, choices and habits; 

We have learned to regulate our emotions and this has helped us reduce the intensity of our feelings so that they don’t run the show as much and get us into trouble. 

And that is obviously a valuable essential skill to develop. 

Just imagine what it would be like if we all operated with nothing but pure, unprocessed, unfiltered emotion as adults all the time!

It is just as essential for our well being to be aware of our emotions and allow them the space to express and inform us as it is to exercise our discernment in regulating them. 

But many of us, because of factors that are usually out of our control and/or awareness, take this regulation a tragic step further. In our attempts to ‘master our emotions’ we learn to suppress (force to stop) and repress(hold back) them.

In fact you may have done such a great job at this that most of the time when you are asked:

‘What/how are you feeling?’ 

Your most honest answer might be:

 ‘Nothing’ OR  ‘I really don’t know’. 

As adults, we are more complicated and often more confused about what we are feeling at any given moment. 

Your emotional abilities may have been deprioritized for so many years that they haven’t had a chance to catch up to your intellectual abilities. 

It’s not that your emotions aren’t there or as powerful. It’s more that they haven’t been fully seen and heard.

The channel of communication between your head and your heart may have become very fuzzy at best.

And that split between our emotions and our cognition

is a source of constant internal friction.

And as we may have learned from stumbalings in relationships with others through our lives.. 

low/bad communication —--> leads to —--> low trust 

And TRUST is the foundational building block of any 

strong, healing, fulfilling relationship.

As we grow and our cognitive functions develop, if we don’t take care to make room to be with and understand our emotions, if we don’t cultivate intimacy with that powerful and wise source of wisdom within ourselves,

we grow to become adults who fundamentally don’t trust ourselves.

But ‘how can we?’  you might ask… 

‘Why would we?’

After all, we can all recall times where our emotions have lead us astray; or if that never happens to you because you keep yours under a ‘prudent’ lock & key, no doubt you’ve witnessed others making foolish/unwise and sometimes downright catastrophic decisions by taking action under the strong influence of a powerful emotion.   

Emotions are like energy waves, varying in shape and intensity, just like ocean waves. Their nature is to arise and pass away pretty quickly, like all natural phenomena. If you attempt to interrupt this process, through acting out or suppressing, things can go wrong.

But that is only because we have not learned to work with our emotions effectively.

We haven’t respected and honored them.

We haven’t learned to surf the emotional wave..

So how do we begin to repair this broken trust? - The broken trust between our head and our heart.

Honesty is a prerequisite for trust. 

So start where you are,

with a strong mission to restore this connection.

because..

emotion and reason

work best

when they work together. 

Emotions are one of the most powerful, challenging aspects of our lives.

Let’s not brush them aside. Let’s not be afraid of them.

Let’s give ourselves the grace and permission to slow down for a moment and study them.

Let’s get curious.

Let's lean in.

A helpful tool in the emotional literacy arena is a good vocabulary. 

When we lack words, we tend to either ignore feelings or let them unconsciously run us.

This handy tool called the emotional wheel <link>

Learn how to skillfully express and contain emotions.

They are not problems.

Start viewing them as  guests, allies, an essential component (a moving force e-motion) of communication.

Not as something to cage and control. But something to befriend.

Not as something to be shunned, feared or conquered. But something to hold, to honor and to cherish.

Learn to listen and trust as you would a dear friend.

Curious what a coaching session aimed at facilitating this head-heart connection would look like?

Feel free to book a complimentary call with me here.